To: Most Glorious Sun God, Unspeakable Ra, His Imponderable, Unfathomable Majesty, Pharaoh Tutankhamen the Undefeated:
From: EPA, Cheops Division
Re: Findings on so-called “Plague” incidents
Salutations and a thousand unutterable praises to your Most Holy Name, sire. As per Royal Directive 3487c (103.3), issued during the Year of the Ibis, we have completed our investigation involving Hebrew Nation, Inc.
1. Plague of Frogs – Hebrew Nation Inc. (HNI) is guilty of multiple counts of introducing an unauthorized foreign species into the protected Nile River Biological Reserve Zone. The frogs (generally, though not exclusively Rana clamitans melanota) disrupted commerce throughout the Nile River Valley, upset the delicate balance of nature within the Designated Ecological Sub-zone (the sacred crocodiles bloated by an average of 47% from the excess forage), ate all of the crops and …
Perhaps the most amusing part of the “memo,”
4. Parting of the Red (or Reed) Sea – We have included our report to the Bureau of Fisheries and Hatcheries in reference to this incident. In addition to the regrettable loss of life (including the II Corp’s entire Fourth Division Mounted Chariot Brigade), there is ample evidence that the disruption of the sea dramatically impacted the migration routes of the Red Sea Mackerel. The fishing industry is now expecting 15% lower harvesting rates in the summer.
Don’t forget the humorous video “10 Things I Hate About Commandments.”