“Portable Electronic Devices”

I have spent the majority of this day flying. It is currently 8:40 pm and I still have a 2:47 minute flight ahead of me. As the last flight was preparing for landing I had a George Carlin moment. The flight attendant came on the speaker and spoke the usual words, telling us that we must turn off all “portable electronic devices.” As opposed to what?

“Sir, please turn off that electronic device.”

“But it is not portable. See, this MRI is bolted to the floor of the aircraft. Besides, as you can plainly see, this woman’s test is not yet complete.”

“Sir, the aircraft is itself moving therefore the MRI is portable since it is being transported from Philly to Chicago.”

“Ah, then why specify ‘portable’ electronic device? Furthermore, why specify ‘electronic’ device? What other sorts of devices can one turn on and off?”

“Sir, pardon me.” Attendant takes nearby fire extinguisher and begins beating me about the head before dismantling the MRI.

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